Virgin
by Sitatu
Summary: Thanos has brought destruction to Earth and now Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes and all the other super heroes are on their way to his own planet to fight him there. However during the journey, Steve has something to confess to Bucky... This story was written after Captain America Civil Wars but happens at the time of the Infinity Wars. We follow Bucky's point of view
1. Chapter 1: Before the war

"I'm sorry for your loss," Bucky told his friend.

Steve and him were alone in the cramped quarters that were assigned to them on board of the spaceship. The last few days had been quite hectic and now there was nothing to do but wait for them to reach their destination. And waiting led to thinking, and so, Steve sat there, gloomily on his bed. Bucky was barely three feet across from him, already lying down on his own bunk. He had only recently gotten out of cryonics, but he had been briefed on the latest events. Some alien called Thanos had brought destruction to Earth and had kidnapped Vision in order to use his infinity stone to enslave all of the galaxy. Sharon – Steve's girlfriend – had been killed in action, trying to protect Vision. Now they all found themselves in a spaceship; the Avengers – grown exponentially since his cryo sleep; the ship's crew led by a guy who called himself Starlord but whom everybody else called Peter Quill, and himself. They planned to fight Thanos on his own home planet, to rescue Vision, to avenge Earth and Sharon, and to save the galaxy... Or die trying.

"Thank you", answered Steve who let escape a deep sigh before laying down his upper body on his bunk.

Bucky thought his friend needed some space and quiet, especially since he did not argue when Natasha had dispatched both of them in a private cabin while some of the other super heroes had to crowd together in the dormitory that had been set up in the cargo hold. So he was a little startled when after a few seconds of silence Steve told him : "You know, when I was a boy, I always dreamed that growing up I'd have a normal life, you know, with a wife, a nice house with a garden, a dog, and probably children... But I grew up weak and women, they never looked twice at me... Then I became Captain America and there was Peggy, and I had hope that my dream would come true, but the plane crashed and when I woke up, seventy years had passed and Peggy had married and aged while I was in the ice. Again I had given up hope, but then I met Sharon and she was nice, and capable; a woman who could take care of herself... I envisioned a future with her. But now, I've lost her and I feel like, even if we make it and win this war, I'll end up alone..."

Steve sighed again, and Bucky knew he had to cheer his friend up, but he didn't know what to say, he tried anyway: " _If_ " and he stressed that 'if' because he didn't have much hope himself, "we make it, then I'm sure that there will be someone out there for you. You'll be _the_ hero and you'll be able to pick anyone you want in the whole galaxy !" He paused, sobering a little. "You don't see it now because you're grieving, but after a while, when you meet the right person, you'll get to build your home the way you imagined it."

"You're right Bucky, I don't see that happening." Steve slid on his bed to put his feet on it and lie down on his back, his hands beneath his head. "I'm still Captain America, I'll still try to save the world if it's threatened, putting myself at risk and the ones I love as well. No Bucky, I'm afraid that no matter how this war ends, I'll die a virgin."

Hearing these words got Bucky chocking on his own saliva, and after a fit of coughing, he had to ask : "How come a virgin ? You've never had sex ? Not with any of your dancers while you were on tour, nor with Sharon ? Ever ?"

"Well, Sharon and I never got married, so yeah, we haven't done it," answered Steve, slightly on the defensive.

"She minded ?" asked Bucky, trying to understand how come his best friend, a gorgeous super hero, could have remained a virgin all these years.

"No, she didn't. I was the one who wanted to wait. She said she liked how old fashion I was and agreed to wait as well. And of course I have not done it with any of my dancers !" Steve sounded outraged at the thought of it.

"Wow, you really are a boyscout..." Bucky felt a little amazed. "They must have been swarming at you during the war, and you still managed to turn them down ?"

"Well, yeah, some of them tried to seduce me, even asking for 'sex without commitment' but I wouldn't have it and, after a while, they stopped pestering me. "Why ? Did you do it ? I mean, back then, with your dates ?"

No Bucky wasn't a virgin, he'd done it with some of his dates back in the forties, and he'd even done it with other soldiers while they were on the field, fighting on the front lines. Some men could not remain celibate and while some of them preferred same gender sex, others just had to fill the void that war had created in them and found comfort in the arms of their comrades.

"I know it wasn't right," Bucky confessed, a little shameful, "but yeah, when they offered, I couldn't bring myself to deny them, I'm weak that way. I'm not perfect like you."

"I'm sorry," Steve apologized, "I'm not judging you. It's just that my mother had to raise me alone, and life was tough, even though she _was_ married to my father. So I swore that whatever happened, I'd wait until I got married..."

Bucky thought about that for a while before asking: "You and Sharon were in love, why didn't you get married then ? Were you even engaged ?"

"No we weren't, we never got the time..."

"But, it's been a couple of years since I went into cryo, so surely you must have had some time to consider it... well if you really loved each other, you would have made time, even for a quick wedding at the city hall, don't you think ?" Bucky asked.

"I don't know... At the time, it didn't feel like a priority." Steve explained lamely. "But I did love her, she was amazing, dazzling even. Isn't this what you feel when you are in love ? Butterflies in your stomach, a little overwhelmed when the other is around ?"

"I'm not sure, I never got to be in a serious relationship, but I remember that when I was a boy, I have asked my mother how come she knew that my father was the person she wanted to marry."

"What did she say ?" Steve asked.

"She said she just _knew_ it. That it all went so smoothly between them that she never really wondered. They could talk of everything, they were never bored when they were together and felt lonely when they were apart. That even when they sat together in silence, the silence was comfortable, and not awkward." Bucky also remembered that after she said all that he'd told her that he would marry Steve because that was how he felt for his best friend. He remembered his father chocking on his drink as he heard what his son just said, but his mother only laughed. She told him that boys could not get married and that he was still young and that one day he would find a girl with whom he'd feel that way. And growing up he tried, he tried to find a girl he could love the way he loved Steve. He probably had sex with his dates in order to feel something more, but that never worked. And it was barely better with other men, he enjoyed the sex more than with any girl he'd been with, but none of them were Steve, and Bucky still felt empty. His dream was to spend the rest of his life with Steve, and just like him, he feared that it would never come true.

"She was probably right," Steve allowed, "yours was the happiest family I've ever known."

"We were..." Bucky sighed. "Ages ago." It hurt to think about the good old times, because he lost so much during and after the war.

The silence that settled in the tiny cabin was anything but comfortable, it was pregnant with misery and ghosts from the past, Bucky had to break it, even if it meant asking awkward questions: "What about foreplay ?"

"What about it ?" Steve wondered.

"Well did you have foreplay with Sharon ?"

"No we didn't either, it wouldn't have been fair to her, and... I'm not sure I could have stopped there had we started..." Steve confessed.

"Why not fair to her? I hope you realize that women can enjoy sexual activities; at least if it is done properly by their partner." Bucky informed him.

"I know that! I'm a virgin, not a moron," Steve argued. "No it wouldn't be fair to start things and not go through with it, or go through with it and betraying myself."

"Steve confess!" Bucky teased. "You wouldn't have known what to do, would you ? Don't worry there's no shame in that, she would have understood and taught you!"

"Shut up!" Steve growled before turning on his side to face the wall and pout. Well Bucky imagined that he was pouting, as he could not see his face. A pouting Steve would be so cute...

"What about men?" Bucky asked towards his friend's back.

"What about them?" Steve grumbled, but there was some curiosity in his tone as well. Good, he wasn't really upset then.

"Well, if we make it out of this mess alive, maybe you could have sex with a man... Maybe even with an Avenger, they're harder to kill..." Bucky suggested.

Steve slowly turned back towards Bucky before informing him: "I don't know if you were aware of this, but nowadays, two men can get married... At least in the States and some other western countries."

"Yeah, but men can't get pregnant, so you could have sex with one if you were so inclined..." Bucky countered.

"And nowadays there are a number of contraception methods that will allow a woman not to conceive if she doesn't want to." Steve pointed out. "You don't understand, it's the sex before marriage that bothers me. It's like, I made this promise to myself as a teenager and then the serum imprinted it in my brain and now I couldn't do it weather I wanted it or not. Not unless I'm married."

"That's an embarrassing side effect." Bucky said, sympathizing. "So I guess you'll just have to defeat Thanos, manage to live through it and find your soul-mate and marry her, or him since it's legal nowadays."

"Stop jeering me Bucky," Steve complained, "I'm not in the mood."

"You're in a better mood than you were before this talk Cap," Bucky noted. "Anything's possible you know, we _are_ on a spaceship with a walking tree and a talking raccoon... Don't give up hope. If Captain America loses hope, then we're all done for, and it's the whole galaxy we're talking about here. So yes, Sharon's dead, and yes you're hurting, and no, you won't forget her, but you have to go on. There are other people who loved and lost their love and they thought it was the end of their world but they kept on living and eventually they found someone else to love.

"Do your job and live through it. The possibilities are limitless if you live. It will be the end only if you let yourself despair and die. And you don't want to die a virgin do you ? Plus if you die, I'll die trying to save your ass so you'll have my death on your conscience, and you wouldn't want that either."

"Don't!" Steve warned him. "Don't say that, I kind of already have your death on my conscience. At least I thought I did, when you fell off that train. And what actually happened to you may be a fate even worse than death."

"You're an idiot!" Bucky chided him. "Me falling off that train was never your fault. There's no way you could have saved me, we were too far apart! Don't blame yourself. Not when you keep saving me, even if it's seventy odd years later. And yes, being Hydra's puppet certainly was a fate worse than death, but you had nothing to do with me falling in their hands, you saved me from them Steve, twice."

"But I dragged you into the fight against Hydra, and once again I drag you into a desperate fight..." Steve said, clearly feeling guilty.

"I knew when I joined you in the Howling Commando that there was always a chance that I wouldn't make it. When I signed in to become a soldier, I knew that I may die on the battlefield. You didn't drag me, I volunteered to fight against Hydra, and I volunteered for this mission as well. I have enough innocent blood on my hands, I think I may feel better if I can make a difference out there." Bucky explained. "And what if you had saved me from that train back then? I'd be over a hundred years old, how could I hope to help you kick Thanos' ass, if I were that old?"

Steve had to laugh at that: "I wouldn't expect it of you, if you were. You dumb-ass!"

"And you would be short one man for this mission, and if this Thanos is such a bad-ass, then maybe one more person can really make a difference..." Bucky said.

Bucky tried to imagine what his life would have been like if he had not fallen off the train, if he had survived the war to come back and live a normal life in America, but without Steve. Mourning his friend for seventy years only to discover that he hadn't died. The guilt he would have felt for not finding him before then – that was if he were still alive and not senile. Would he really have found someone else to love? He felt he was a hypocrite for telling Steve that he would definitely find someone once this "mission" was over, because he couldn't believe it for himself. He had only ever loved one person and that was Steve Rogers and even if his feelings couldn't be reciprocated, he didn't think he could fall in love with someone else. Fate had been cruel to him, making him a puppet used by Hydra, but somehow fate had also given him a second chance to spend some time with his best friend. That thought was bittersweet.

He had remained silently thinking for a few minutes when he heard Steve call his name: "Bucky?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry and a little ashamed. I'm bothering you with my problems when you've been through so much worse," it was like Steve could read his mind. "You may not be a virgin, but you aren't happily married either... I feel so selfish right now."

"You're not selfish Steve, you're grieving," Bucky corrected. "You know what? I think it's time to go to sleep, and tomorrow we'll focus on our war against Thanos and how to defeat him. And once we have won, and only then, should we worry about love and all that comes with it."

"OK," Steve agreed. "Good night Bucky."

"Good night Steve."

Bucky covered himself with his blanket and turned to face the wall, but he didn't follow his own advice, and instead of trying to fall asleep, he imagined how loving Steve would feel like. How it would feel to hold him in his arms. Once Steve had been so small and fragile that Bucky barely dared to give him brief manly hugs, too afraid that he'd hurt him. But he had changed and his now wide and muscular chest could withstand even the pressure of Bucky's metal arm. He imagined how the strong muscles would feel against his body, the softness of his hairless torso, the heat that would come out of him and radiate to his own skin, warming his soul. He remembered Steve's smell; a manly musk that belonged to no other person...

Then he imagined pressing his lips against Steve's. How his stubble would scratch Steve's perfectly shaven chin. How Steve would yield and open his mouth to let Bucky's tongue get in; then they would kiss like they'd never kissed anyone before, tongues wrestling in a needy but sensual dance.

By that time, Bucky could feel that his manhood was rock hard and there was nothing he could do about it because he could hear Steve gently snoring a few feet away from him. But that didn't matter, even if he couldn't find release, this arousal felt good. It made him feel human in a way that he hadn't thought possible since he'd been taken by Hydra. For so long he had been imprisoned inside his own mind, having no control over his body whatsoever. His life had been like watching a nightmarish puppet show from the perspective of the psychotic puppet he had become.

So he kept dreaming. He would grab Steve's erect manhood in his right hand and start stroking it. With his left hand – that was still flesh because in his imagination anything was possible – he would slide down the length of Steve's back before reaching his buttocks and squeezing the firm muscles playfully.

Then his mouth would abandon Steve's to plant little kisses along his jaw, down his neck, towards his shoulders, then coming back towards his pecs, his tongue teasing Steve's nipples which hardened beneath his touch.

He would still be stroking Steve's manhood, massaging it slowly so that he wouldn't be coming too early. And Steve would let little moans escape from his throat because he couldn't hold them back while assaulted by such pleasure.

His mouth would journey south from those alluring nipples; he would kiss, lick and suckle his way down the flat plane of Steve's stomach, then his tongue would explore his bellybutton...

Eventually his lips would find the thin tail of soft blond hair that led to Steve's manhood. Bucky had seen it before and after the serum, it had grown along with the rest of his body, but not extravagantly so. He imagined that aroused it would be beautiful, long and thick and vigorous. He would put his mouth on the tip, licking at the beading liquid that would have escaped it; he would taste Steve's precum, and be the first person ever to do so. He would cup Steve's balls in his hand and gently and lightly roll them in his palm. He would lick Steve's shaft from the bottom to the tip, teasing him before taking him in his mouth to start and suck on it. And Steve would have his hands in his hair, not to maintain his head in place, but only to toy with the long brown strands. Bucky would keep on sucking, moving his head up and down until Steve reached climax with a cry of fulfillment.

Then he would lay Steve down and get his mouth even lower, letting his tongue play with his best friend's entrance. He would take his time, letting Steve get used to the sensation before replacing his tongue with a finger. He would go slowly, gently making room for more than one finger, more than two fingers. He would use lotion, he didn't want to hurt Steve... And while his fingers were busy, he would go back sucking on Steve's newly awaken arousal. And finally, when he would be completely relaxed, well lubricated and was comfortable with three fingers invading his privacy, Bucky would withdraw his hand and replace it with his own erect manhood. He would go slowly at first, trying to be gentle but also enjoying the tightness of Steve's hole, but then it would be too much to cope and he would go faster and faster. His hand would be gripping Steve's member and pumping it so that his friend could enjoy the experience all the more. And then, eventually they would climax together, and Bucky would collapse in Steve's arms and they would lie together entangled in a deep feather bed and Steve wouldn't be a virgin any longer.

While this was but fantasy, Bucky could feel his own very real arousal lessen at the thought of climaxing. He tried to stop thinking altogether in order to let it deflate completely and to finally let sleep claim him.


	2. Chapter 2: After the war, recovery

"His wounds are healing, so I think that if he wakes up, his life won't be threatened anymore," a voice said somewhere close to him. Somewhere too close to him because even though the voice wasn't loud, the sound of it still felt like it reverberated inside his skull and tried to break it open. He felt like hell. He felt like he'd been run over by a bulldozer inside of a volcano. All of his body hurt but he didn't feel cold, and somehow, this was a relief. He didn't know what had happened to him, nor where he was. He didn't even know who he was for that matter. Somehow remembering felt important, but thinking made his head hurt even more, so he gave up.

"Don't die, please," someone else whispered even closer to him. "Don't leave me alone again." This voice didn't hurt his head as much. It seemed sad. He wanted to get closer to the whisper, to comfort it, but for that he had to be able to move his aching body. He tried to make it work but only managed to assert the damage that was done to it; burnt flesh, broken bones, other bruises... There was something else he could feel as well, two hands holding his good one. Why did he think that this was his good hand? What was wrong with the other? He tried to remember but it hurt and his left hand did not, his left arm was the only part of his body that didn't hurt...

Then he felt something warm trickle down his cheek; it was wet and warm... tears maybe? Water, He realized that he was thirsty. He tried to open his mouth to ask for something to drink but his body wouldn't cooperate. It was too much trouble, he gave up and surrendered to sleep.

When next he came around, he felt a little better; his head didn't feel like it would split open at any moment, rather it felt like a major hangover. His body was still a mess of injuries, but like the voice had said, he was healing.

"Bucky, please, come back to me." The sad whisper again. Bucky? Yes, that was him. He made an effort and managed to lift his eyelids, but the world was a blur. He tried to focus and amidst the shadows he thought he could distinguish a head; it was round and yellow and he knew that the whispering voice belonged to it. He knew this head, he had a name for it on the tip of his tongue. His tongue that was so dry... He tried to ask for water again but only a groan escaped his throat.

At the noise, he saw the blond head startle and two blue eyes stared into his.

"Bucky you're awake! Oh thank God I thought I'd lost you forever!" The voice wasn't sad anymore, but he was still thirsty. He tried again and this time his parched lips moved but no sound came out of them. It didn't matter, the head had understood: "Water? You want water don't you? I'll go get some, I'll be quick."

The face came back a few seconds later and a glass of water came to rest on top of his lips. The blond haired blue eyed head gave him slow, small sips of the delightful beverage that water was, but he still managed to choke on it. To drink was an exhausting business and once he had enough that he thought he wouldn't die of dehydration, he told the head that he was tired. This time his lips and voice managed to work together as he croaked the word "tired".

"Oh! Of course you are. I'm sorry," the head was blabbering. "I'll let you rest. You need rest to heal. Oh Bucky, I'm so glad you woke up. Promise me you'll always wake up!" He managed a weak smile, but apparently it was answer enough for the head that smiled back at him and retreated. Bucky closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

When he woke up next, it was easier to open his eyes and his vision had improved. The blur had faded and he could clearly see the head that was resting beside his, snoring gently. The memories came back as well, at least some of them; he recognized his childhood friend, the love of his life. "Steve," he croaked.

His friend woke up with a jerk and Bucky felt bad, he hadn't meant to wake him up, Steve clearly needed his sleep, for otherwise he wouldn't be sleeping while sitting on the floor. "I'm here Buck! I'm here!" he told him, squeezing his hand that had been in his grip all along. "Do you need anything?"

Actually he was still thirsty so he asked for water again and Steve got it for him. Swallowing the liquid was easier as well. He still ached all over, but he felt more like himself, especially after he finished his glass.

His memories were partially back but they were a little fuzzy and he still didn't know where he was nor why he hurt so much so he had to ask: "What happened?"

"You nearly died trying to save me is what happened!" Steve answered.

"Apparently I didn't just try, you look better than I feel," Bucky retorted.

"Yes, you saved me and we won the war after that," Steve acknowledged. "And I thank you, but if you ever let me believe that you're dead again, I swear that I'll kill you with my own hands!"

Bucky had to laugh, but his broken ribs disagreed with the action and he coughed instead. "Don't make me laugh and I'll promise you anything."

"You took a blast for me. I think that your metal arm took most of the damage when that weapon exploded, but your body was thrown about thirty feet away, your arm has blown into tiny pieces of metal and some of them embedded themselves in your flesh. You've got burns all along your left side and plenty of broken bones, but the doctor said that you were healing quickly. Whatever serum Hydra injected you with saved your life. Again."

"And we won?" Bucky had no memory of the battle.

"Yes. When you fell and I thought that you were dead I went into a rage. I fought against Thanos like a madman."

"Thanos," Bucky repeated. He realize that Steve wasn't talking of World War Two. He thought he remembered some of it now, but it was still confusing. They were at war against the alien and had traveled in a spaceship to avenge Earth. They were on the spaceship now, he recognized the cabin they had slept in when they traveled to get there. That felt familiar, but what happened next, the battle and all, it was a giant blur in his head.

"Yes, and apparently I was enough of a distraction that the others managed to get the Infinity Stones back from him. After that, defeating Thanos was but a formality. You made a difference Buck."

"Yeah, I was out cold the whole time you mean," Bucky said. "How are the others?"

"Some broken bones, burns, cuts and other bumps and bruises. No fatalities and nothing as serious as your injuries though." Steve informed him.

"Good, I don't wish anyone who's not an enemy to feel the way I feel right now," Bucky sighed.

"Yeah, go back to sleep and heal,"Steve told him.

"OK, but you go to sleep too," Bucky advised him, "you look like hell."

"You sure you'll be OK without me?"

"Yes I will, your bed is barely three feet away from here and I'm not going anywhere Steve," He had to reassure his friend.

"Bucky?" Steve asked tentatively after he had gone to lie down on his bunk.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry, it's OK, it can wait until tomorrow," Steve said mysteriously. "Good night."

"Good night Steve."

"Hold him down Captain Rogers, I think he's waking up," a strange voice was saying. Bucky was in agony as he felt hands touching the injuries on his left side and he screamed his pain out.

"I'm sorry Buck, but we have to change your dressings," he heard Steve tell him, sorrow in his voice.

Bucky could not respond, could not open his eyes, could do nothing but scream and cry; he was locked inside the pain.

"See how his cuts are closing and his burns healing? He'll be fine soon although his bones will need more time to mend than his flesh. Also we'll have to feed him or he will waste away," the voice again. They had stopped touching him and he thought he could open his eyelids, but then the hands came back on his body and the pain was back with it; he felt himself passing out, his mind escaping from his flesh.

When he opened his eyes next, Steve was beside him, sitting on the floor again and holding his hand. "Good morning," his friend greeted him.

"Morning," Bucky croaked.

"Do you think you can sit up?" Steve asked him. "I have to feed you some broth. Doctor's orders..."

"I'll try," he said before forcing his body to move. The pain was back and he saw spots of light clouding his vision and thought he would pass out again, but then Steve had gotten a couple of pillows behind his back and after Bucky fell on them, the pain receded and his vision cleared.

Once Steve saw that his dizziness had passed, he brought a bowl and began spooning him some broth. Bucky couldn't remember ever eating something as delicious and felt a lot better after he had emptied the bowl. Then Steve came with a tissue to clean his face, as eating hasn't been that easy and some of the broth hadn't made it to his mouth. As he wiped the spilled liquid away, Steve looked at him in a most unnerving way. Bucky couldn't read his friend's facial expression and that made him uneasy because he could always know what Steve thought from looking into his eyes, so he had to blurt out: "What?"

"Hmm?" was Steve's only answer.

"What's on your mind? You look weird," he explained.

"I've just been thinking. I've done lots of thinking," Steve confessed, "since you got injured and nearly died."

"And?" Bucky wanted to know. He would pull it out of him tiny bit by tiny bit if he had to, but he needed to understand what was wrong with his best friend.

"You know that talk we had on the first day of the journey...You said we would worry about it once we had won the war, and now we have and I can't stop thinking about it."

Bucky thought he could remember it, they had talked about love and sex and marriage. "Are you still depressed about Sharon?" he asked.

"I still mourn her, but weirdly enough I'm not depressed anymore. I thought about all that you said and I think that I realized something," Steve began, but then stopped talking and turned beet red.

"Get out with it!" Bucky pressed him.

"You told me that love was being completely at ease with the other, telling them everything, being lonely when they were gone..."

"That's what my mother told me," Bucky acknowledged.

"I've never felt that way around Peggy and Sharon..." Steve let out a really deep sigh. "You will think me weird."

He had stopped talking again so Bucky prompted him: "You told me that your were still a virgin Steve. I think that you can tell me everything..."

"That's it Bucky. I can tell _you_ everything," Steve pointed out. "I have gone mad with grief when I thought you were dead and when we got you back and you were between life and death I tried to imagine life without you and could not picture it. There was no Hydra to fight anymore, no Thanos to defeat, no war to win to save the world, without that and without _you_ there was no sense to keep going... What I'm trying to say is... I think that I'm in love with you Bucky."

Bucky was stunned into shock by the words. He froze for a while trying to make sense of the situation: "Steve? Did you gave me some pain med? I think that I just had an hallucination where you told me that you loved me."

"Don't make fun of me!" Steve chided him. "You're not hallucinating and unfortunately we don't have pain med."

"Yeah you're right, no pain med, I still hurt too much. A pain hallucination then? The raccoon and the tree make sense if it's all a hallucination," Bucky felt giddy and couldn't stop blabbering. "Captain Steve Rogers can't be in love with me. He's not queer like me, he loves girls. My mind's just creating this scene because I love him so much."

"You do?" the hallucination interrupted him. "How long have you known?"

"I've always known," Bucky confessed easily because nothing was true, it was all in his head.

"Why didn't you tell me anything?" imaginary Steve asked outraged.

"Before the serum you were so thin and weak, had I told you and if you felt the same way, people would have found out and they would have beaten you to death. I couldn't risk that. If you didn't feel the same way then why shaming myself confessing? And after the serum you were in love with Peggy. There was no point telling you then," Bucky explained.

"OK, so I'm in love with you and you are in love with me," Steve recapitulated.

Bucky corrected him: "No! I'm in love with you and you are a hallucination."

"What do I have to do to prove you that I'm real?" Steve whined.

"Kiss me," Bucky suggested. "I'll know if you're real or not if you do. And if you're real, you'll realize that you're grossed out and that you're no queer."

"OK," Steve agreed before plunging towards his face, bumping their noses, pressing his lips to Bucky's in the most awkward kiss ever. "Was that real enough for you?"

He thought about it, never in his wildest fantasies did he and Steve kiss that badly, so he faced the truth: "Yeah, OK you're real, otherwise you wouldn't have managed to hurt my nose that was one of the rare body parts that was painless before. What about you? Did you realize that this kiss was awful and that you do not like men that way?"

"Granted this kiss was awkward, but you made it weird," Steve whimpered. "A kiss should be spontaneous..."

Steve was too cute, Bucky couldn't resist but lean forward and kiss those pouting lips. He managed to angle his face correctly so that their noses were out of the way; he even managed to slip his tongue inside of Steve's startled open mouth before the pain of moving his damaged body caught back to him and he fainted back into oblivion.

Bucky opened his eyes to find Steve still sitting on the floor just next to him keeping watch. "Welcome back," his friend greeted him.

"I've had the strangest dreams," Bucky began.

"If it was a dream where I told you that I loved you, then it wasn't a dream, nor a hallucination, and kissing you didn't gross me out," Steve grouched.

"OK," Bucky just said. Steve was in a bad mood, it was time to shut up.

"I have more broth for you, do you think you can sit up without fainting?" Steve asked curtly.

"I think so," Bucky answered lifting his upper body. He did feel better, moving hurt a little less. He ate in silence, fearing his best friend's bad temper and feeling a little ashamed. He hadn't dealt well with their previous conversation. In his defense he had been in love with Steve for so long and in his injured state a hallucination or a dream was more probable than his best friend discovering that he had feelings for him as well.

Once his bowl of soup was empty he tried to make amend: "I'm sorry Steve, I've been acting like an ass. But I've had feelings for you for so long, it was hard to believe that you're finally returning them."

"Well," Steve answered apparently mollified by the apology, "had I not been such an idiot, it wouldn't have taken me so long to figure it out. And I'm sorry for the horrible kisses..."

"The first one was, but the second was better wasn't it?"

"You passed out!" Steve exclaimed.

"Out of bliss!" Bucky argued.

"Out of pain!" Steve wasn't fooled. "You nearly died and I'm bothering you with all this, I'm an awful friend..."

"No you're not," Bucky contradicted him. "You're my best friend, always were, always will be whatever happens. Don't beat yourself up, I know that I'm to blame as well."

Steve smiled at him, took his hand and gazed at him amorously. Bucky smiled back and tentatively moved his thumb to stroke his friend's knuckles and managed to do it with little to no pain. Encouraged by that he raised his torso a little higher and turned his head towards his left side to look at his injured body. Steve got immediately worried: "Do you want to pass out again?"

He grunted, the position was painful, but it was bearable: "I'm OK Steve." He had already gathered that most of his torso was bandaged, but he found out that he also had one splintered leg. He let himself fall back on the pillows. "So, I've lost my arm... again. Too bad, I liked this one."

"You did? It was quite plain..."

"It worked well enough and most of all, it wasn't Hydra made." Bucky pointed out.

"Yeah," Steve chuckled. "That's definitely an improvement."

They sat in companionable silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Bucky wondered if he could try to kiss Steve again as his friend had not made a move on him since the last time. Apparently he felt well enough to try, so why not give it a go? Then another thought crossed his mind that he had to share with Steve: "So, I'm in love with you, you're in love with me, that's fine but, don't I have to go back in cryo once we reach home?"

"Don't you remember?" his friend asked, a concerned look on his face.

"Remember what?"

"The day after we had that conversation on the ship, we were all together and you said you were worried that somehow Thanos or someone else might try to control you and turn you against us. The doc heard you and offered to help and he... 'cured' you."

"The same doc who has no pain med? Can we really trust him?" Bucky asked anxiously. He didn't remember any of that.

"You really don't remember Doctor Stephen Strange?"

Bucky frowned and shook his head no, but the name brought back a picture, the two most unnerving blue eyes he had ever seen on someone.

"Well, he didn't join the team for his medical abilities," Steve explained, "he has mystical powers and he used them to channel the power of the stones in our advantage. He fixed you with his magic, you don't have to worry about being brain washed again."

"He sucks at being a doctor though," Bucky complained.

"Well he had a lot of injuries to treat with next to no medical supply," Steve took Doctor Strange's defense. "The ship got hit during the battle and the sickbay took all the damage. We couldn't salvage most of it. As we speak, those of us who are able-bodied are fixing the ship so that we can go home."

"And you're not among them?" Bucky wondered.

"The doc said that you needed someone constantly by your side, so I volunteered... But I'll help them once you feel better; if they haven't finished by then." Steve added.

"Thank you," Bucky said, raising his hand to caress Steve's stubbly cheek, his friend looked like hell. "But I am better, you can take care of yourself for a bit. Stretch your legs, eat, rest and shave. At this rate, you'll soon look worse than I do."

"I don't want to leave you," Steve whined.

"That's an order Captain!" he commended his friend, although he was of lesser rank.

"You must be OK if you feel like you can order me around, Sergeant." Steve chuckled. "I'm off then, but go back to sleep as well." He rose to go but not before planting a gentle kiss on Bucky's lips.

"That's what my mother told me," Bucky acknowledged.

"I've never felt that way around Peggy and Sharon..." Steve let out a really deep sigh. "You will think me weird."

He had stopped talking again so Bucky prompted him: "You told me that your were still a virgin Steve. I think that you can tell me everything..."

"That's it Bucky. I can tell _you_ everything," Steve pointed out. "I have gone mad with grief when I thought you were dead and when we got you back and you were between life and death I tried to imagine life without you and could not picture it. There was no Hydra to fight anymore, no Thanos to defeat, no war to win to save the world, without that and without _you_ there was no sense to keep going... What I'm trying to say is... I think that I'm in love with you Bucky."

Bucky was stunned into shock by the words. He froze for a while trying to make sense of the situation: "Steve? Did you gave me some pain med? I think that I just had an hallucination where you told me that you loved me."

"Don't make fun of me!" Steve chided him. "You're not hallucinating and unfortunately we don't have pain med."

"Yeah you're right, no pain med, I still hurt too much. A pain hallucination then? The raccoon and the tree make sense if it's all a hallucination," Bucky felt giddy and couldn't stop blabbering. "Captain Steve Rogers can't be in love with me. He's not queer like me, he loves girls. My mind's just creating this scene because I love him so much."

"You do?" the hallucination interrupted him. "How long have you known?"

"I've always known," Bucky confessed easily because nothing was true, it was all in his head.

"Why didn't you tell me anything?" imaginary Steve asked outraged.

"Before the serum you were so thin and weak, had I told you and if you felt the same way, people would have found out and they would have beaten you to death. I couldn't risk that. If you didn't feel the same way then why shaming myself confessing? And after the serum you were in love with Peggy. There was no point telling you then," Bucky explained.

"OK, so I'm in love with you and you are in love with me," Steve recapitulated.

Bucky corrected him: "No! I'm in love with you and you are a hallucination."

"What do I have to do to prove you that I'm real?" Steve whined.

"Kiss me," Bucky suggested. "I'll know if you're real or not if you do. And if you're real, you'll realize that you're grossed out and that you're no queer."

"OK," Steve agreed before plunging towards his face, bumping their noses, pressing his lips to Bucky's in the most awkward kiss ever. "Was that real enough for you?"

He thought about it, never in his wildest fantasies did he and Steve kiss that badly, so he faced the truth: "Yeah, OK you're real, otherwise you wouldn't have managed to hurt my nose that was one of the rare body parts that was painless before. What about you? Did you realize that this kiss was awful and that you do not like men that way?"

"Granted this kiss was awkward, but you made it weird," Steve whimpered. "A kiss should be spontaneous..."

Steve was too cute, Bucky couldn't resist but lean forward and kiss those pouting lips. He managed to angle his face correctly so that their noses were out of the way; he even managed to slip his tongue inside of Steve's startled open mouth before the pain of moving his damaged body caught back to him and he fainted back into oblivion.

Bucky opened his eyes to find Steve still sitting on the floor just next to him keeping watch. "Welcome back," his friend greeted him.

"I've had the strangest dreams," Bucky began.

"If it was a dream where I told you that I loved you, then it wasn't a dream, nor a hallucination, and kissing you didn't gross me out," Steve grouched.

"OK," Bucky just said. Steve was in a bad mood, it was time to shut up.

"I have more broth for you, do you think you can sit up without fainting?" Steve asked curtly.

"I think so," Bucky answered lifting his upper body. He did feel better, moving hurt a little less. He ate in silence, fearing his best friend's bad temper and feeling a little ashamed. He hadn't dealt well with their previous conversation. In his defense he had been in love with Steve for so long and in his injured state a hallucination or a dream was more probable than his best friend discovering that he had feelings for him as well.

Once his bowl of soup was empty he tried to make amend: "I'm sorry Steve, I've been acting like an ass. But I've had feelings for you for so long, it was hard to believe that you're finally returning them."

"Well," Steve answered apparently mollified by the apology, "had I not been such an idiot, it wouldn't have taken me so long to figure it out. And I'm sorry for the horrible kisses..."

"The first one was, but the second was better wasn't it?"

"You passed out!" Steve exclaimed.

"Out of bliss!" Bucky argued.

"Out of pain!" Steve wasn't fooled. "You nearly died and I'm bothering you with all this, I'm an awful friend..."

"No you're not," Bucky contradicted him. "You're my best friend, always were, always will be whatever happens. Don't beat yourself up, I know that I'm to blame as well."

Steve smiled at him, took his hand and gazed at him amorously. Bucky smiled back and tentatively moved his thumb to stroke his friend's knuckles and managed to do it with little to no pain. Encouraged by that he raised his torso a little higher and turned his head towards his left side to look at his injured body. Steve got immediately worried: "Do you want to pass out again?"

He grunted, the position was painful, but it was bearable: "I'm OK Steve." He had already gathered that most of his torso was bandaged, but he found out that he also had one splintered leg. He let himself fall back on the pillows. "So, I've lost my arm... again. Too bad, I liked this one."

"You did? It was quite plain..."

"It worked well enough and most of all, it wasn't Hydra made." Bucky pointed out.

"Yeah," Steve chuckled. "That's definitely an improvement."

They sat in companionable silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Bucky wondered if he could try to kiss Steve again as his friend had not made a move on him since the last time. Apparently he felt well enough to try, so why not give it a go? Then another thought crossed his mind that he had to share with Steve: "So, I'm in love with you, you're in love with me, that's fine but, don't I have to go back in cryo once we reach home?"

"Don't you remember?" his friend asked, a concerned look on his face.

"Remember what?"

"The day after we had that conversation on the ship, we were all together and you said you were worried that somehow Thanos or someone else might try to control you and turn you against us. The doc heard you and offered to help and he... 'cured' you."

"The same doc who has no pain med? Can we really trust him?" Bucky asked anxiously. He didn't remember any of that.

"You really don't remember Doctor Stephen Strange?"

Bucky frowned and shook his head no, but the name brought back a picture, the two most unnerving blue eyes he had ever seen on someone.

"Well, he didn't join the team for his medical abilities," Steve explained, "he has mystical powers and he used them to channel the power of the stones in our advantage. He fixed you with his magic, you don't have to worry about being brain washed again."

"He sucks at being a doctor though," Bucky complained.

"Well he had a lot of injuries to treat with next to no medical supply," Steve took Doctor Strange's defense. "The ship got hit during the battle and the sickbay took all the damage. We couldn't salvage most of it. As we speak, those of us who are able-bodied are fixing the ship so that we can go home."

"And you're not among them?" Bucky wondered.

"The doc said that you needed someone constantly by your side, so I volunteered... But I'll help them once you feel better; if they haven't finished by then." Steve added.

"Thank you," Bucky said, raising his hand to caress Steve's stubbly cheek, his friend looked like hell. "But I am better, you can take care of yourself for a bit. Stretch your legs, eat, rest and shave. At this rate, you'll soon look worse than I do."

"I don't want to leave you," Steve whined.

"That's an order Captain!" he commended his friend, although he was of lesser rank.

"You must be OK if you feel like you can order me around, Sergeant." Steve chuckled. "I'm off then, but go back to sleep as well." He rose to go but not before planting a gentle kiss on Bucky's lips.


	3. Chapter 3: Plans for the future

Bucky had dozed off while Steve was away, but he awakened the minute his friend opened the door of their cabin. He had shaven and looked better now, but he still had bags under his eyes. Bucky felt his heart clench in his chest as he fully realized that the Steve standing over him and gazing at him with those sad blue eyes was finally his to love. On an impulsive whim he slid his upper body towards the wall. He was clearly improving since he didn't feel like passing out this time, his legs hadn't followed the movement though.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked concerned.

"Help me move to the side, and try to fit your huge body on my bunk." Bucky told him.

"You sure?" Steve hesitated.

"Yeah, that way you can rest quietly and be sure my heart keeps beating," he said with a wink.

Steve delicately moved his splintered leg and Bucky managed to move the other one alongside it by himself. His friend lied down on his side facing him and looking at him. "Are you alright?" Steve asked him, taking his hand.

"Never been better since I took that blast." Bucky reassured his friend squeezing his hand.

"Good," Steve breathed getting closer to taste his friend's lips. Bucky answered opening his mouth to allow Steve's tongue passage. They kissed long and deep. Carefully so that Steve wouldn't hurt Bucky's injured body. Slowly so that they could engrave every second of it in their memories. And it just felt so perfect, so much better than their clumsy first kiss, even better than any fantasy Bucky ever had. Because this was real. It was Steve's smell in his nose, it was Steve's chin against his, it was Steve's breath mingling with his. It was Steve's hand caressing his stubble. It was heartbreaking bliss. Eventually they parted their lips – albeit reluctantly – and went to sleep, Steve spooning against Bucky.

He was the first one to wake up. He had no idea what time it was, he had no idea weather this was morning, afternoon or the middle of the night. Time was a blur, to him there was only an alternating period of consciousness and sleep. So he didn't wake Steve, but watched over him like Steve had done for him. He tried to memorize every line, every shape of his face.

"Morning handsome," he greeted Steve once his eyes had opened.

"Hello you," Steve replied a huge grin spreading on his face. "This feels nice, me waking up next to you."

"What should I say, I woke up next to Captain America and watched him sleep," Bucky drawled.

"Stop teasing me," but Steve had to laugh anyway "Are you hungry? I'll get you something."

"I'm hungry for your lips," Bucky answered leaning forward to catch his prey. His body agreed more and more with him moving it. Steve surrendered and they remained a while longer in bed, snogging like they were still teenagers. It seemed like they couldn't have enough of it, as if they tried to make up for eighty years of missed opportunities.

At last, they reluctantly decided that Steve would have to get up to get some real food since his stomach had been rumbling loudly for a while. Bucky received some soup that was slightly thicker than the broth he had had last time, it didn't look appetizing but it was savory and his body needed the energy. Maybe it tasted better since he was able to eat it by himself, using his good hand – well his only hand – to hold the bowl to his lips and directly drink from it. Steve had gotten himself some noodles, it didn't look great either, but it smelt better than what they had to eat during World War Two.

"I'll take you to a nice restaurant once we get back to Earth," Steve told him as if he could read his thoughts. "You'll probably be up to it by then."

"There will be a whole lot of things I will be able to do now that I'm free from my dual personality," Bucky mused.

"I'm looking forward to it," admitted Steve. "It's weird, this new life, I always felt out of place in it, but now that you're back, now that we're together, I feel like I can really enjoy this second chance."

"I seem to remember something you said," Bucky hesitated, his memories were still confused. "Did you tell me that men can get married now?"

"Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, are you proposing?" Steve exclaimed.

"No ! No, I just..." Bucky spluttered, "I wasn't asking you that! It's just... My memories are still fuzzy, I don't know if it's true or not."

Steve laughed, it seemed like he enjoyed embarrassing his friend, but he sobered and explained: "Well the world changed a lot in seventy years, same sex marriage is legal and it's mostly accepted although there are still homophobic people beating up queers." He thought for a while and Bucky felt worried; the look on Steve's face didn't bode well. It was like when they were teenagers and Steve was about to get into a fight although he knew it was stupid and that he would being beaten instead. "We should do it."

"Do what?" Bucky asked more and more worried.

"Get married. As soon as we get home!" Steve exclaimed.

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? You just realized that you may like men this way. Don't you want to date first?" Bucky offered.

"But we kind of did it already, we went to the movies together, we went to the fair together, we ate plenty of meals together, we knew each others' parents, we even went on real dates together, though I grant you, we were accompanied by girls," Steve argued.

"But we weren't romantically involved," Bucky countered.

"No, but we are best friends, we know each other better than anyone else could. We know that we _do_ get along," Steve was adamant.

"What about the other things that being married involves? Are you sure you can do them?" Bucky stared his friend in the eyes to make sure his friend understood all that was implied.

"I know that I am inexperienced, but I will learn..." Steve pleaded.

"It is different than being with a woman, and you haven't been with one yet."

"And you have been with men before haven't you?" Steve gathered.

"I thought you were out of reach, so yes, I did. I tried to fill a void, but I never could. It was all meaningless," Bucky explained, feeling ashamed of his behavior.

"And I'm telling you again, I'm not judging you. So do not judge me. Trust me when I tell you that I understand what being married to you implies and that I am ready to go through with it. I know it took me a long time to realize that I felt this way towards you but I also know that there is nothing that I can't do if you're with me. And I've always known that." Steve told him all this so earnestly. Bucky didn't know what to respond, his head was a mess of conflicting emotions and thoughts. He loved Steve, he always had and he wanted to believe him, hearing his words made him so happy, but he also felt shame because he didn't think he deserved all this, he wasn't worth Steve. And this made him afraid. He feared that it would all crumble to pieces and leave him a wreck, more miserable than he'd ever been, having had a taste of heaven to fall back in the deepest pit of hell. Kissing Steve had been great, but he had tried to avoid thinking of all the consequences then. However, if they were to be in a relationship, they had to make things clear first...

Bucky gathered his courage and asked the question whose answer he dreaded the most: "Don't you mind that I'm the Winter Soldier? A killing machine?"

"You're no longer him," Steve seemed confused. "You've never been him actually. Those things, it was Hydra that made you do them. There was nothing you could have done."

"But it was still my body. I have innocent blood on my hands. Or hand..." he amended. "And there is nothing that I can do to wipe it away. There's nothing I can do to bring them back."

"Punishing yourself won't bring them back either," Steve countered. "Knowing that you feel bad about it is enough for me. Mourn them if you must, save the world if it makes you feel better about yourself. But keep going, and stay with me. I already told you, I'm lost without you, I couldn't stand to lose you again."

"OK," Bucky accepted the answer. He would accept Steve's feelings as long as he had any for him. He would try to make him happy, to keep that glint in is eyes, and if Steve's feelings faded away, he would step out. "But there are other things we have to talk about," he added as an afterthought.

"We have plenty of time here and now," Steve told him.

"When we talked; on the way here, you said that all you've ever dreamed was to have a wife, a house, a dog and children. The thing is, if you marry me, you'll have a husband instead of a wife and that means you won't have children either... Doesn't it bother you?"

"Well, back in the forties, having children was expected of any married couple, so I _thought_ I would have some, eventually. But to tell you the truth, I don't think I'd be a good father," Steve confessed.

"What are you saying!" Bucky exclaimed. "You would be an excellent father. You're just worried because you never knew what it was to have one. But you are so kind and so caring you would know exactly how to raise children. And you would teach them your values; they would grow to be exemplary people."

"That might be true for Steve Rogers' children perhaps. But I'm not just Steve Rogers anymore; I'm Captain America," he corrected Bucky. "If I had children, they would be alone most of the time because I'm constantly on mission. And just by being my children they would be in constant danger of being kidnapped, hurt or killed by my enemies. I wouldn't even try to adopt a child because of that. No Bucky; I wouldn't be a good father, and I've come to terms with not being a father a long time ago and I' not going to miss it. You don't have to worry about that."

"You're probably right," Bucky allowed him. This marriage thing however still seemed a little premature, he had to make sure that Steve was ready: "I'm sorry that I'm asking you this, because even though I trust you when you say you love me, and that you want to be with me, but I have to know... When... you think about me, do you... feel things... stirring in you?"

Just thinking about it made things stir inside his own pants, so he shifted his right leg a little to make his burgeoning arousal less conspicuous before looking at Steve's face. It was beet red again. He coughed a little before stuttering his answer: "Yes, it... does. I mean... things... they stir... a lot."

Bucky had to chuckle, Steve was so damn cute. A blushing maiden. But he wasn't sure he was reassured or even more worried.

"I know I want this," Steve pleaded again. "Don't deny me please."

He was really moving, but somehow, Bucky still felt insecure. "Don't you mind that I have been with others before?"

Steve remained silently thinking for a short while before answering: "I may be a little jealous of them, but I know it's my fault for being so blind... And at least this way, one of us will know what they're doing."

Bucky could only agree to that because it brought up a painful memory of World War Two and a young inexperienced soldier who was a little too eager to be gentle with him. He wouldn't do that to Steve. "You're right," he confessed. "If it's done wrong, it brings more pain than pleasure."

At these words, Steve did look a little scared. "Will I..." he hesitated, his face more crimson than it had ever been in his life. "Am I going to be on the receiving end?"

Bucky had to contain his laughter because he didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings, but Steve made it hard for him. "You won't have to, if you don't want to," he conceded. "I like it both ways; if it's done properly."

"You do?" Steve wondered, probably thinking that in a homosexual relationship the roles of 'male' and 'female' never swapped. Bucky knew that some men couldn't stand being on the receiving end while others clearly preferred it, but he wasn't one of those guys.

"I do, so we'll only do whatever you're comfortable with," he reassured Steve.

Steve grabbed his hand and looked a little more composed as he offered: "I trust you, so we'll try both ways and I'll decide what I prefer, or if I'm like you, enjoying both."

"There's no rush," Bucky told him, eyes locked with his so his friend would know that he meant it. "I never imagined that I could have you this way, knowing that you're considering it is enough for now. I will wait for you, take as long as you need."

"But I _don't_ want to wait!" Steve exploded before calming down again. "I don't want to wait anymore than we have to. I love you, I _want_ you Bucky."

He had to give in. For Steve. For those deep blue eyes which stared so earnestly into his own. He let a deep sigh escape his lips and leaned back on his pillows. He had been holding in a lot of pressure without even realizing it, he let it go and tried to relax. His gaze traveled on Steve's body, admiring it as he seldom allowed himself to do so as not to be too conspicuous. He didn't have to hide anymore though.

Even though Steve was wearing a T-shirt, it was so tight that Bucky could guess the outline of each of his muscles. But there was something else that seemed to stretch his clothing making a bump and that bump was situated below his T-shirt; just below his waist actually. Apparently Steve _was_ interested in him that way. No wonder he didn't feel like waiting.

Bucky reached out with his hand while asking: "May I?"

"Oh! O... O... kay..." Steve stammered his agreement.

He started by caressing him through his clothes; Steve was definitely rock hard and seemed to be responding even more at his touch. He started to slip his hand inside the waistband of his sweatpants, but with Steve sitting by his bed, their position was a little awkward and he couldn't reach as well as he wanted to. He still managed to grab at the upper part of Steve's shaft and gave him a tentative squeeze and received a startled intake of breath as a response. After that he began to rub him gently while his thumb caressed the tip of his cock. It felt good in his hand. Long and thick; but not as thick as the thought of it inside of him would be scary.

Steve moved a tentative hand towards Bucky's own erect member to caress it but their limbs were now so tangled that Bucky was stuck inside of Steve's pants and couldn't move his hand anymore. "Come and lie down beside me if you want to do that," he advised his friend.

Steve let go of him and so did he. Steve got up on his legs and pulled down his pants a little before lying on the narrow bunk. Bucky didn't miss a thing as he finally got to see what his aroused cock looked like. Nice and pink; perfectly shaped and nestling amidst fine golden hair. It was gorgeous. He yearned to take it in his mouth but that would involve too many movements and that was a little early for his broken body to manage. He would settle for the hand job.

After settling down, Steve pulled Bucky's underwear down, freeing his manhood. He was hard as wood himself and he thought he would melt as Steve put his hand on his bare flesh. He grabbed Steve's shaft once more and they began to rub themselves in rhythm. Steve knew what he was doing. Well, every boy who reached puberty knew how to do this, but the fact that it was _Steve_ taking care of him made the experience even more pleasurable.

Suddenly they were kissing, hungrily, passionately. He couldn't remember who started it; maybe they had the same idea at the same time... It didn't matter, it felt like heaven, but it was definitely real.

They didn't take long to come. It had been so long since anyone had touched him other than himself; and according to him, Steve hadn't been touched by anyone else; _ever_. He came shortly before Bucky; he had broken the kiss to groan his pleasure out and forgot to move his hand that still gripped his best friend's cock. As he came back to himself, he started to rub it again and the renewed friction coupled with the memory of Steve's ecstatic moans led to Bucky's release.

They laid back and rested for a while and spent as they were, they panted between kisses as they couldn't keep their mouths off of each others. They had made a mess, and semen was staining both T-shirt and bandages. As Bucky's brain started to function properly again, he swiped one finger in Steve's sperm and took it up to his tongue. "What are you doing?!" Steve exclaimed in shock.

"Tasting you," he answered even though it seemed obvious. "I wanted to know what you taste like."

"Isn't it gross?" There was more curiosity than disgust in Steve's voice as he asked this question.

"It's salty... Not much different from my own stuff if I remember correctly." Bucky mused. "You've never been curious enough to taste it?"

"I never thought of it," Steve confessed before bending over his friend's torso and give a tentative lick at Bucky's semen. "It's not that bad but I'd better wipe the rest of it with a tissue."

Bucky chuckled and used his hand to bring Steve's head towards his and kissed him soundly. "Or you could take your T-shirt off and use it to clean me and then remain bare chested for a while..." Bucky proposed lustily and Steve did just that. He was very careful not to put too much pressure when he wiped him off so as not to hurt his broken ribs. Once he was done, they went back to snogging, like the teenagers they were no longer.

Steve eventually broke their lips apart to stare into Bucky's eyes and tell him: "Doing this with you... it felt amazing."

"I love you," was his only response. It felt also amazingly good to say it out loud. Many times he had thought the words. Sometimes he had even screamed them in his mind, wishing for Steve to read this one thought. But he had never dared to voice them. He believed he had said it when first Steve had confessed, but he was half delirious at the time so it didn't count.

"So, it's agreed?" Steve broke his trail of thought. "We're getting married once we reach Earth?"

Steve was nothing if not persistent. "Whatever," Bucky drawled his answer.

"How romantic you are!" Steve said ironically; though Bucky could see that he was more amused than upset.

"Oh, because I remember you bending down on one knee and offering me a ring," he retorted the same way.

"That's because I don't have a ring to offer you. But we'll get some at home. We _do_ need rings for the wedding. We'll keep the rest simple..."

As Steve made plans for their big day, Bucky felt that sleep was claiming him again. Steve noticed and stopped blabbering. "I love you too," he said with a smile before kissing him, spooning him and taking a well deserved nap with him.


	4. Epilogue: Going home

The spaceship had been patched up as best as it could be and they had taken off the previous evening. Bucky's health had also improved a lot and this morning he felt like he could walk all the way to the mess hall and take his breakfast with the others. His leg was still splintered and he walked with a crutch, but Steve was with him to help if it was needed.

"So, the hero's finally back amongst the living!" Sam Wilson greeted him with a pat on the back.

"I don't know what hero you're talking about, but as for me, I'm glad that I'm up and about and that I don't have to pee in a chamberpot anymore," He answered with a grin.

Sam laughed at that and went back to his table to finish his breakfast and invited them to join him once they had their own food.

They had to order it by pushing buttons onto a panel and then, just like a vending machine, it would drop the food in front of them.

"What would you like?" Steve asked him.

"Hmm... let me see... sausages. I'd like sausages please," he answered before adding in a whisper that he managed to make sound lewd: "I love sausages..." In the last few days, they had gotten a little more acquainted with each other's anatomy while never going all the way since Steve couldn't break his promise of keeping his virginity as long as he was not married. They still both enjoyed touching each other very much.

"You're impossible!" Steve whispered back before surprising him by planting a kiss on his lips.

For a few seconds Bucky believed that no one had seen them but he had no such luck and soon heard a deep feminine voice exclaiming: "Oh my God! Captain America just kissed a man!"

Steve was beet red again as he turned to face Natasha, but Bucky felt the heat creeping into his cheeks as well so he didn't think he looked better; especially since the mess hall had gotten so quiet all of a sudden.

"No wonder you never agreed to go out with any of the girls I introduced you to," she kept going.

"Don't act surprised!" Clint Barton reprimanded the Black Widow, "We all knew these two belonged together, apart from Steve and Bucky themselves... But apparently they figured it out as well."

Bucky fully realized at that moment that the morals of society had really changed in the seventy odd years he had spent as a killing Popsicle. He didn't sense any hostility from anyone around. Actually they seemed happy for them even though they enjoyed teasing them, it was all harmless. It was nice not to have to hide his sexuality anymore, but he was so used to the secrecy that all those people knowing of it still made him feel embarrassed. Fortunately Natasha seemed more interested in bothering Steve than him so he tried to remain unmoving in order to look inconspicuous.

"So tell me," Romanoff pressed Steve. "When did this happen? Before or after the fight with Thanos? Don't tell me you were together while Sharon was still alive!"

"Of course not!" Steve exclaimed outraged.

"Good," the widow kept going as if Steve didn't look like he would explode at any moment. "It wouldn't have been fair to her even though Barnes was in cryonics. Anyway, I'm so glad you're finally together. It seemed like it was a good idea to let you two share a room in this spaceship; it did help things along I gather..."

Steve wasn't ready to thank her; he looked very angry as he blamed his friends who had all interrupted their breakfast to stare at the both of them with looks of amusement on their faces: "If you all knew you should have told me instead of making fun of me behind my back!"

"Would you have believed us, Mr. Self-righteous?" Stark put in from the other end of the room.

"He has a point," Sam added, trying to calm his friend down. "It was something you had to figure out for yourself; and you did."

"And we wouldn't have wanted to hurt your 1940's sense of morality," this one from Stark again.

Judging by the color of Steve's face it was time for Bucky to do something or his friend – well fiancé to be more accurate – would start a fight. He had never liked bullies and he probably felt like this was it. Bucky got closer to him and whispered to his ear: "Let it go. It's just friendly teasing. They mean well."

Steve put an arm around his waist and took deep calming breaths. "OK..." he eventually agreed.

"Plus you can threaten to not invite them if they don't behave," he added with a grin on his face.

Steve looked him in the eyes and slowly started to grin back at him; happiness winning over his anger.

"Invited to what?" Natasha asked; apparently she had been close enough to hear what Bucky had said...

"Our wedding," Steve informed her proudly, his huge smile never leaving his face.

"Seriously?!" she gaped at them. "You two are getting married? Already? I did _not_ see that one coming!"

Steve was blushing and beaming at the same time while Bucky was just blushing and trying to hide his face behind his long hair. He knew it was him who brought the topic up this time but he still felt awkward.

Suddenly Tony Stark was in front of them and addressed Steve: "God you can be slow grandpa, but once you get it, there's no stopping you! Congrats man." And with these words he hugged Steve then turned to Bucky, offering his hand to shake. Unfortunately Bucky's only hand was already busy with his crutch so Stark said: "What the hell!" and hugged him too. "You'd better take care of him or I swear that I'll crush you to a pulp no one could ever recognize," he added in a whisper as an afterthought.

"Then all hell broke lose as everybody imitated Stark and came to congratulate them. Natasha told them that they could try not to invite her to the wedding, but as the Black Widow they could be certain that she would attend anyway. Steve got to ask Sam if he would be his best man and then things began to get confusing as more and more people came to them; even some who weren't at the mess hall a few seconds ago. Bucky's ribs threatened to break all over again as he got caught in an enormous hug by Groot who told him: "I am Groot." It probably meant congratulations but who could tell...

Eventually the commotion dwindled a little, but then Captain Quill entered the mess hall and asked what was happening. "It's an engagement party for Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes!" Natasha informed him.

"An engagement party? Why didn't you call for me?" Starlord chided them all. "I'll put some music on and bring some booze. I think I have a keg or two of Asgardian liquor somewhere in the hold."

"We didn't even have our breakfast yet," Steve complained. "Isn't it a little early for drinking?"

Bucky's head was already spinning but he didn't think that taking alcohol on an empty stomach could worsen his state, at best it may even calm his nerves.

We're in a spaceship!" Starlord contradicted Steve. "We decide what time zone we follow, and it's always time to drink somewhere!"

This being said he went for the liquor. As he came back he put the music on and then started to pour the drinks. He had also brought some weaker alcohol since not all of them had the stamina to drink the Asgardian stuff. As everybody had a drink in their hands – even Bucky who had been allowed to sit down for the occasion – Quill proposed a toast: "To the future grooms!"

Everybody toasted but as they quieted down Steve made a toast of his own: "To us all, for defeating Thanos!"

"To none of us getting killed!" Bucky chimed in.

"To us saving the galaxy!" Thor joined them after downing his third shot of liquor.

"To going home!" someone else screamed in the crowed hall.

Peanuts and crisps appeared from nowhere and Steve and Bucky finally got to eat something even though it wasn't exactly filling. "Don't they have pretzels? I'd like some pretzels," Bucky whined to Steve. He barely had one shot of the Asgardian stuff and he already felt tipsy and consistent food to sponge the alcohol wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. It was weird, he hadn't felt drunk since Hydra had experimented on him; and he had drunk far more than a shot since then.. This liquor must really be something.

"I'll go and see if I can find some," Steve offered leaving his glass of Champagne to start the pretzel hunt. Bucky wouldn't have thought Steve was the kind of person to drink Champagne; he was more of a beer-drinker usually. Then again, he couldn't see anyone drinking beer anywhere so they probably didn't have any on board. And Steve probably already knew what the Asgardian liquor could do because he stayed clear from it.

Finally his fiancé came back with a plate full of big fat pretzels and it was high time because Thor had stopped by and made Bucky drink some more and he was already feeling more than tipsy. "Thank you darling," he slurred. "You're a real life saver."

"And you are drunk," Steve noticed. "I shouldn't have let you drink this stuff."

"Nope, you shouldn't have... But now it's too late..." Bucky said with a wink before taking another shot. "Hello stranger!" he then shouted at the person he believed he recognized as Doctor Strange.

"I think congratulations are in order," the doctor answered his call.

"I' sorry," Steve apologized in his stead. "I shouldn't have let him drink."

"It's ok, we all need to celebrate and his liver can actually outlive this beverage," Doctor Strange reassure him.

"Thank you," Bucky told him then. "And thank you for fixing my body and my head."

"You're welcome and I didn't do much to heal you, your body did a pretty good job by itself. You should thank Steve for nursing you though. He was quite devoted. As for your head, it was quite interesting to look at your brain and undo what was done to it," the doctor mused. "Plus we don't need to fear that an enemy will use you against us anymore."

"Yes, that's great!" Bucky acknowledged. "Do you want a pretzel? They're good. Steve got them for me. He _is_ pampering me," he added with a goofy grin before kissing the blond man to thank him.

"I think you need to go back to bed," Steve admonished him fondly.

"Not already..." Bucky complained. "The party has just begun..."

"Your leg needs your body to rest in order to heal, so it might not be such a bad idea," the doctor advised.

Bucky stole a look at the other merrymakers dancing on the floor and their motion made him feel dizzy. "You may be right," he allowed as he suddenly felt tired as well.

"Thank you Stephen and enjoy the rest of the party," Steve said as he picked up Bucky to lead him back to their room.

Bucky nearly collapsed on his bunk as soon as Steve let go of him. "Wow that Asgardian stuff is strong," he commented.

"It is," Steve agreed. "Do you want some water?"

"Yes," he answered before adding: "Steve? Thank you for the pretzels, the water, for nursing me, for saving me and for loving me. Thank you."

"My pleasure," Steve winked at him and then went to get the water.

Bucky drank his fill and felt already better but as he looked up he was surprised to see Steve down on one knee staring him in the eyes. As Steve saw that he got Bucky's attention, he took his hand in his and told him solemnly: "Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, will you marry me?"

Bucky looked at his hand that was now adorned with a ring made of the wire that had kept the cork inside of the bottle of Champagne. For a second he was dumbstruck the he hurried to reply: "Yes, Captain Steven Rogers, I will marry you!"

Steve got up form his knees only to sit next to his fiancé and kissed him full on the mouth. "You were right, it's more romantic this way," he confessed after they broke the kiss to take their breath.

They laid back on the narrow bunk, holding onto each other as if they feared that something would jinx this moment if they let go and eventually they fell asleep this way.

The end

My apology if this story was a little clumsy, I'm not such a good story teller and having no idea how the Infinity Wars will unfold I didn't dare make too many things up (plus I don't think I could have written a good action plot for this story). I'm sorry about Doctor Strange as well as I've no idea what he's like at all, but I'm looking forward to watch the movie next November!

Thanks for reading me.

There may or may not be a short sequel to this story telling what happens once they're back on Earth... I have a couple of ideas but they haven't taken shape yet.


End file.
